Friendship & Family

So, if you know I am a pretty honest kind of person. I don't like lies, I think they are a double whammy & are only good for hurting others. I don't like hurting others therefore a long time ago, I decided it would be in the best interests of my loved ones that I tell the truth, even if it sometimes isn't as easy as telling a lie could seem to be. I have often been lied to & about, & never have I thought oh gee, it was so nice of so & so to tell me a lie, I feel like they respect me so much more for their having done that. 
Never not one time.That being said, I really don't like it when lies are told to people about me, as I am pretty brutally honest when it comes to myself, my family, my feelings.
I try to be a good friend to others & do unto them as I would hope they would do to my loved one in their time of need or just who I hope for my children to have as friends. It has been my recent & very hurtful experience as of late that this is not exactly how the world works & unfortunately I have learned that even after nearly twenty years of friendship *I use this term loosely....even people you thought wouldn't let you down, in fact do. 
This has hurt me for several reasons, but mainly because I would never do to others what has been done to me. For me, being a friend is just as important as being a member of my family. My inner circle if you will. Friendship to me means you are loyal, you are honest, you are someone others can count on in good time as well as bad. Friendship is special, something I don't take as a joke. I admit, I have not always chosen my friends wisely, but I think that I have always been the kind of friend I want people to be to me. I do not use others or ask for anything other than what I am willing to give. Apparently this is asking a lot as I have found loyalty & honesty is in very short supply and my inner circle has tightened considerably lately.
When people don't return the friendship I offer, I get very hurt, very upset, & have questioned what is wrong with me that it keeps happening to me the way it does. It has taken me until this last one to realize it really isn't me, and it is their loss. I am going to keep helping when I can, being there for people who I care about, & not letting people who use me get me down. That is how I have to live for my own happiness, because I really can't change who I am. I won't let myself help anyone anymore or less than I have in the past. I also won't let myself put my family in a position that they feel I am putting others ahead of their own needs- They will always know that I am first & foremost there for them, that my love for them comes before any other & that they are now & always have been my priority.